little bird
i had to look twice as i happened upon you. a small body with no feathers but a heart i could see beating. neck twisted underneath i couldnt tell your movement from the ants who were consuming you. all of you was moving and not moving all at once. i leaned over you and immediately started to cry much like i am now. your little body and broken neck. could you feel every ant taking away pieces of you, were you suffocating? could you feel the pain of a broken neck? did you know you were alone? did you know you werent? you arent? i thought as fast as i could, my mind racing, how could i save you? i couldnt. what can i do? ignore you? maybe back my car out and run over you? just pretend like you weren't there. no, how could i? do i save you even though you cant be saved little bird? i moved you to a more comfortable spot in the grass. will you suffer more there? longer? will i hurt your neck more? will you hurt more? should i have just run you over and made it all go away? i picked up your frail little naked body, trembling that i may be adding to your misery. i did. i know i did. i sat you in the grass in the shade. could you feel me? i wanted to help you little bird but i couldnt. no matter what i did you couldnt be helped. what will happen first? will you starve to death? will the ants pick you apart little by little? will your heart stop pumping blood to your broken body? should i have stepped on you? run over you? ignored you? i was alone just like you were alone. no one around to tell me what to do, how to save you. why did i notice you? were you there before? was i the problem all along? i moved you, i cried on you, i sang my sorrow to you. none of it is fair. what did you want me to do? i cried all the way home, i could feel the ants crawling on me, up my arm and on my fingertips into my hair but you are dying all the way home, im sorry little bird. I am crying all alone and you are dying all alone. tonight i shared life with you and death with you. we are connected now through time, this moment, this memory and space, that parking lot. the same parking lot i will see tomorrow and the next day and the next. it will be different now because i know you. you are with me now. and you are alone, empty and dark.i let you down. i was chosen for that moment and i failed. i am so sorry. the universe gave me a choice and i failed. im sorry little bird, i am.